A Gift to the Good
by MireliAmbar
Summary: Alistair and his wife, Talissa are struggling to come to terms with their inability to have children. Graphic descriptions of childbirth and minor character deaths. Five year follow on from 'The Warden Commander'. Alistair/OC.
_I wrote this a year or so after I finished 'The Warden Commander'. Alistair had originally been the Warden Commander at Highever. Donated by Fergus Cousland when he became a Grey Warden, the position of Commander had moved to Fergus eventually, then to Nathaniel Howe. This is not really a sequel, more a 'Five years on' story._

* * *

 _KNOCK KNOCK!_

Alistair grunted and started to emerge from the deep sleep he was in. He'd just been having a dream about going to the hot springs they'd been to just outside of Orzammar when they'd been on honeymoon a few years earlier. Thinking the knocking had just been part of the dream, he ignored it and pulled the covers over his head, tightening his arms around his wife. But another knock and Amy, Talissa's mabari barking protectively in case the person at the door should break in and attack her mistress and that was it, they were both wide awake.

It wasn't even dawn. Talissa swore in elven as she got out of bed, pulling his shirt on as she always did, Alistair tugging his breeches up. He wondered just what was so urgent that could not wait.

 _KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!_

" _Andraste's Ass!_ I'm coming, give me a minute." He fastened his breeches, made sure Talissa was holding Amy then swung open the door.

"Yes!" Alistair's Warden Commander tone had not left him.

A young woman stood there, looking awed at his words. "Sorry to disturb you, Ser! Its Bella. The baby's coming early and what with what happened to her husband…." Bella Darnell worked in Highever castle as a cook and had married a guard little more than a year earlier. There had been a patrol on the high road out of the city that had been attacked by bandits. Unfortunately, Dennis Darnell had been one of the two men killed by bandits. Their bodies had been found by the following patrol the next day. Bella was already on bed rest, some of the younger maids looking after her.

The news had Talissa rushing to pull clothes on. "I'll be there in five minutes, Lucille." The young girl nodded her head and walked off as Alistair closed the door.

Alistair zoned in on the bed before crashing face down. "As much as I admire your nursing abilities, Lissa, I really need to get more sleep."

Talissa tied her long hair dark hair back and grinned at her husband. "That's fine. I'm just concerned about Bella." It was rare they had need of her midwifery skills at the Castle but like anywhere, people met, married, fell in love. Like they had. Then they had children… _Not like them_. Alistair did not want his wife to go through that again. She had got five months into the pregnancy before she lost the baby. By that stage, she had to give birth to a dead child and both of them knew it was hopeless. Talissa was devastated but buried her pain in her work. Though she had no mage skills, she was good with people and it was suggested she train in nursing. One of the nurses had helped her with her own pregnancy. Talissa had begged Kelly to train her in midwifery, until finally she relented. Though Alistair had thought it a bad idea, she was good at what she did and professional as well. Though always there, his wife never allowed her own pain to interfere in her job.

Talissa sat on the edge of the bed as she pulled her boots on. Alistair sat up, wrapping his arms round her waist and kissing her cheek. "Let me know how it goes."

Talissa nodded and kissed him on the lips. "I will. Get some more sleep, Alistair. At least one of us needs to be vaguely awake tomorrow. "

He grunted and pulled the bed clothes up as she went out of the door. He was so tired, he didn't notice a mabari jumping up on the bed and curling up next to him.

* * *

It was late in the morning before Talissa returned back home to her bed. The baby had been in a breech position and though they tried to turn him, it was too late. Kelly had said the mother had probably been having contractions for long hours before telling anyone. The mother died and Kelly made a decision neither expected having to make – she cut the child from the dead woman's belly. At first they thought that had been a wrong decision as the baby came out blue but one lusty cry as they cleared the child's airways, the two women had shared a small smile. The one good thing that had come out of this was wrapped warm and sucking on Talissa's finger until they found a wet nurse willing to come to the castle. It was only a temporary solution while they tried to find out if either Bella or Dennis had had family willing to take the baby on.

Leaving the baby with the wet nurse, Kelly sent Talissa to her room to rest. The perceptive mage was aware how hard this was for Talissa, who had been quiet since the baby had been born.

Opening the door to their rooms, she started to run a hot bath, her mind just as weary as her body. Climbing into the bath, she hissed and sat down, starting to wash herself. Running the washcloth over her stomach, she saw the stretchmarks, the only physical proof she had ever been pregnant. Alistair had insisted they use something to prevent pregnancy after that. She had argued vehemently – until he shouted back, telling her he did not want to lose her. At one point during the birthing procedure, Alistair really thought he had. Talissa, the usually stubborn young woman accepted his words and agreed with him. Had it been the other way round, she would also not want to lose her husband. But that did not stop the pain when she saw new mothers with their babies.

When she started to train in midwifery, it became easier to deal with. Until today. Seeing how this woman died from grief, for it turns out the widow had not eaten for a while, Talissa found she was angry with her. Had she been in a similar situation, she would not treat the baby like that – _would she_? The truth was she did not know just what she would do.

A cough at the door brought her out of her thoughts. "Would you like someone to wash your back?" Alistair said, his voice hoarse.

Talissa gave him a smile. "I would love it. You can get in with me – so long as you take your armour off."

Alistair smirked and unstrapped his armour before getting into the bath behind her, pulling her back against his chest. "How are you feeling, Lissa? Fergus told me what happened to the mother."

Talissa felt the tears pricking her eyes and she suddenly could not help the tears that ran down her cheeks. "It seemed like the woman had given up, even Kelly thought that. They think she had been having contractions for at least a day before telling anyone. We could have stopped this if only she had said something earlier… " Wiping hard at her cheeks with the back of her hand, Alistair ran his hand up and down her arm, trying to soothe his wife.

"Hey, don't blame yourself. You know by now sometimes you can't help people no matter how much you want to." Talissa nodded, thinking most recently of Wynne. The mage had come to stay with them but the journey had exhausted her. Kelly's magic had not been enough and neither had Millie's, the older retired mage who had tried to help also. But in the end, Wynne had asked to sleep, telling Alistair that life was love. It seemed as if the person was determined to die, all the mages in the Circle could not keep them alive.

"Bella just wanted to be with her husband." Talissa mused. She felt a kiss on the top of her head. "But there's a small baby who has no parents in the medical wing. You should have seen him, I got to hold him before the wet nurse appeared." She could not help the sudden enthusiasm in her voice as she talked about 'Baby Darnell'. He was beautiful, with a crop of dark hair and as she stroked his cheek, she could almost imagine he was theirs – just for a short time.

"Talissa, please…" Alistair looked at his wife forlornly. "Don't do this to yourself. He'll have grandparents, aunts, uncles – someone willing to take care of him."

"But what if he doesn't?" And that was the question that neither of them could answer right now.

Alistair kissed her on the cheek. "I wish I could tell you, Lissa." His voice was sad as he replied to her. "Come on, lets wash your back like I promised then you can rest for a while."

Talissa nodded and leant forward. But her mind was still with that scrap of life in the medical wing.

* * *

Alistair opened the door to the Warden Commander's office to find Fergus and Nathaniel Howe sat talking. Howe was given the job of Warden Commander just six months earlier. Fergus had lasted even less time with Anora and her foibles than Alistair had. He finally gave in and gave Nate the job after the Queen had 'suggested' they made a political alliance. Fergus had not married for politics the first time and he was damn well not going to marry anyone he didn't at least like.

"Ah Alistair, come sit with us." The men often sat of an evening and talked, a drink in one hand, nostalgic memories keeping them company. By rights, Nathaniel Howe and Fergus Cousland should have hated each other but the two had liked each other when they were younger and once Fergus had accepted that Nate had nothing to do with his father's actions, the two started to get along as before. Though that was after a drunken fight with a broken nose and a few broken knuckles. Fergus's nose had come off the worst.

Alistair poured himself a drink and sat down in a chair on the other side of the fire. "How is Talissa?" Fergus asked of his friend.

"Shaken up. Nothing like this has happened to her before and she still takes things upon herself."

"She's a responsible Warden, Alistair. It was a shame about the deaths though. Highever has suffered too many losses lately."

"Aye, that it has. Perhaps we need something to raise morale?" Alistair queried.

"We have the annual dance in a few weeks time."Fergus grinned. "Though perhaps the new Commander should be warned about the women from Highever who are invited and expect the Commander to dance with them." Both Alistair and Fergus had been through this situation, Alistair incredibly polite while Fergus turned the women down, not caring for social niceties.

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "And here's me thinking I could escape the hell of dancing. At least I could ask Delilah to dance when we were teenagers."

The men continued to talk though Alistair's thoughts were elsewhere. Knocking his drink back, he got up and said, "I think I need some more sleep after being woken up at 4am."

Saying his goodbyes, Nathaniel frowned and asked Fergus. "Is it just me or is Alistair not quite himself tonight?"

"Lack of sleep probably." Fergus shrugged.

* * *

Alistair rubbed at his eyes as he stood outside the medical wing before quietly opening the door. Inside, Kelly smiled at him as she folded clean sheets. "Hey Alistair. If you're here to see your wife, she's with the baby in the back room."

"About that baby… "

"Hmm?" Kelly looked at him in surprise. Alistair was not sure he wanted the answer to the question he was going to ask yet part of him needed to know.

"How's the search coming on for the relatives of that child?" Kelly put the sheet down and crossed her arms, frowning slightly.

"It seems Bella was brought up in the orphanage in Highever. She was abandoned and there was no known family. They're still looking for Dennis's family though."

Glancing towards the room the child was in, Kelly continued. "Alistair, don't let Talissa get too attached. If they find his family, she will be… "

"Devastated? I know. She's an adult, I can't stop from doing what she wants to but it's like there's a part of her missing since she lost the baby." Alistair had never gave voice to his fears. Talissa had become a responsible, strong woman but sometimes he missed the fiery lady he had fallen in love with, the young elf who had shouted at him and called him names when she first met him.

Kelly nodded, "Talissa is damn good at her job."

He could do nothing more than nod, "I better go and see her. Erm, thanks."

* * *

Talissa had been with the baby since finishing her supper an hour earlier. The wet nurse was due to come soon but when the baby woke up with a warbling cry, she picked him up and changed him, holding him as he started to drift off to sleep.

She had heard some voices in the other room but assumed it was someone for treatment so had been content to sit with the baby in her arms, unwilling to move unless she was needed. A few minutes later, the door opened and Alistair came in, whispering hello to her.

"How's he doing?" Alistair pulled up a chair next to her, then moving the blanket away from his face. The baby did not wake much but seemed keen to say hello and grabbed Alistair's finger. Talissa grinned as she watched the surprised smile on her husband's face.

"He does that a lot. It seems it helps him sleep." Talissa whispered as he put his arm round her shoulders, pulling her into a semi-embrace.

"Have you been here long?" Talissa shook her head.

"Not long and I'm only staying until the wet nurse comes. He's starting to get hungry already." Talissa felt his hand on her cheek and she looked at him, concern written all over his face. "I know what you're thinking." Though she was quiet, the defiance was in her voice.

"What would that be?"

Talissa swallowed, trying to think how to phrase it so her words would not hurt him. "You think I'm getting too close to this child, that if they find a relative of his… that it will hurt me."

The elven woman saw him frown. "Perhaps. Sometimes, things just are not meant to be." His words hurt but she recognised the truth in them. If they were meant to be parents, surely it would have happened by now?

Sniffling, the baby shuffled in her arms. "Here. You want to hold him?"She offered him to Alistair, who took the child carefully. Talissa wiped her eyes with her handkerchief and then said, "You would have made a great father."

Alistair smiled sadly at her, as he stroked at the child's hair. "And you would have made a wonderful mother had you not been a Grey Warden, Lissa."

Talissa tenderly kissed his cheek. "If I'd not been a Grey Warden, you and I would never have met. I never can regret that."

The door open and Kelly coughed. "Come on you two. The wet nurse is here to do her job." Alistair stood gingerly and handed the baby over to the nurse before they left. Alistair's hand found hers as they left the medical wing.

* * *

Over the next few days, there life formed a routine of going to sit with the baby in the evening before the child was fed and put to bed for the night. Alistair told himself he was only there to keep his wife company and to hold the child sometimes so it would get used to men and not just women but the truth was more complex than that. Baby Darnell had wormed his way into his affections as well.

About a week after the mother's death, Kelly looked agitated when they came into the medical wing. She handed a letter over to Alistair. "The Warden Commander gave me this letter before. I'm sorry."

Alistair opened it and read it before hand it over to Talissa. "He has a great aunt who is willing to visit and collect Dennis's effects within a few days. Yet … she's mentioned nothing about the child?" Talissa looked up hopefully from the letter, looking from friend to husband. "Perhaps she doesn't want a child or, or, she's too old or… "

Alistair held her arm. "Talissa don't do this to yourself. The baby has a family now. We always knew this could happen."

Talissa nodded, unable to stop the flow of tears as they ran down her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she straightened her back. "Then we need to go hold him for one last time."

He nodded. It would do no harm. They could deal with the aftermath later.

* * *

Two days later, a cart pulled up and an old woman got out alongside a man who was her son and obviously a farmer, judging from the clothes he was wearing. Fergus showed the family around the castle, handing the few effects back to the family that had belonged to Dennis and Bella, all except a necklace that had belonged to Bella and had apparently been a gift from Dennis. Talissa insisted it was kept for the child. Perhaps he could give it to his betrothed when old enough.

Kelly had asked Alistair to come and take Talissa out for a walk when she heard that the family had turned up. Should the child go, she promised she would let them see him before he left. Alistair had walked round the garden with his wife, more despondent than tearful. "Do you remember when you worked as my aide and I used to drag you out of the office to the gardens?"

Talissa smiled despite her sadness. "I swear you just wanted to escape that mountain of paperwork."

Alistair chuckled. "Partly. But I had a beautiful young woman I wanted to get to know better who let herself go more when we were away from work." His arm slipped round her waist as they walked.

"Once I'd stopped being embarrassed." They had walked round the side of the castle when they heard arguing. Fergus and Nathaniel Howe were stood with a stony expression on their faces as the woman shouted and her son tried to stop her.

"Ma, please!"

"You Wardens should give us Dennis's pay. He won't be able to look after me in my old age now, and the only way I'd take that son of his on is if you pay me!" Her voice was a shriek and surprisingly loud for a woman of her age.

"Mrs Darnell, you _have_ a son to look after you. That baby needs a family, a proper family, not just someone who wants an extra pair of hands on the farm." Fergus's tone was icy.

"I'll let everyone know that the Warden's are going to kick that poor child out if I don't take it - that you'll dump that child in an orphanage!" The woman pointed a finger at the two men.

Talissa heard this conversation and was just about to steam in and tell this woman exactly what she thought when she felt Alistair squeeze her shoulder.

"Actually, you're wrong. We have a childless couple would give anything to make him part of their family." Fergus stepped forward as if emphasizing the point. "So I suggest you leave Highever Castle and don't come back again."

The old woman stumbled as she backed up and her son helped her into the cart. As they rode off, both men turned to face their friends – Talissa especially, who was stood with her mouth wide open.

"They didn't take him? Why not?"

Fergus looked at Nathaniel Howe and shook his head. "They weren't good enough. Kelly would tell you that woman took one look at the baby and instead of being pleased, she simply turned to her son and said he'd be able to help out on the farm in a few years. I asked Kelly to discreetly leave and go get Nate and see if he agreed with me."

"It seemed the woman was after any spare silvers she could lay her hand on – and had hoped that alongside the baby, there would be some pay or compensation. Unfortunately, because she's not his wife, she gets nothing." Nathaniel Howe said in a serious manner.

Fergus smirked. "So that means there's a baby in need of a good home – and, oh look – a couple who want a baby."

Alistair walked over to Fergus and hugged his friend as Talissa tried hard not to cry, putting her hand to her face. "Come on, Lissa, we have a little boy to raise." Alistair hugged his wife, kissing her forehead.

Fergus would never tell Talissa Alistair had asked him to show the woman around – and if they weren't good enough, to stop them from taking the baby if at all possible. It seemed luck was on their side and the old woman had made his job easy. He told Alistair later that had the baby gone with the old woman, he was sure the kid would end up being brought up in the stables – just like someone else they knew.


End file.
